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Marriage Romance: Wow...Who Knew?!
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Marriage Romance: Wow...Who Knew?!
Marriage is God's Idea, not ours. Besides the manual for marriage and romance (Song of Solomon, The Bible), there is an entire world of research going on 'out there.' It is OUR desire to bring some of those findings to our readers.
Often, we will be sharing with you some new findings (at least to us). Don't miss these! They're really enlightening, not to mention EXTREMELY INTERESTING! Enjoy!
White Knights, Glass Slippers and Other Romantic Myths
By Jessica Leffew
Ahh, those romantic myths!
Have you been caught in the web?
Caught in the web of what, you ask. Caught in the web of the fairy tale?
Whether you're a guy or a girl, we have all been caught in the web of this indulgent genre at one time or another.
No, I'm not a cynic. I'm as romantic as the next girl, and being dramatically inclined, maybe even more so. But what I'm trying to say is, maybe it's time for us to honestly determine if we are putting impossible expectations on those we love by chasing romantic myths.
Most women have done it at one time or another. "Honey, how come you never ____________." You fill in the blank. It can be "bring me roses", "write me poems", "cook me dinner by candlelight" or a myriad of other notions we have been brainwashed into expecting as signs of love.
Before we know it, "BAM", we've been caught in the web. The man feels inferior, and the woman feels shortchanged.
The reality is: women buy in to the whole romantic myths mindset and think romantic notions are proof of love, and many men love their wives/girlfriends but do not naturally think of these romantic notions.
Does that mean they don't love their significant others? Of course not! Men are just not predisposed to this mindset. They were busy playing G. I. Joe, while we were watching Cinderella for the 327th time.
Perhaps, the way to bridge this great divide is to communicate.
Yes, women need signs of love and affection on a regular basis, but we do not need to expect men to naturally think up extremely romantic situations as proof of their love. Romantic myths interfere with a lot of blissful relationships.
Why not say, "Honey, how about some roses and a candlelight dinner at Mario's for Valentine's Day?" Why not say, "Honey, what do you want to do for our anniversary next week?" or "So, what are you getting me for my birthday?"
This is preferable to being hurt when he gets you two tickets to the basketball game because he "knows you love basketball".
A little communication of your desires can go a long way and a lot of heartache can be alleviated by deciding not to play the romantic myth game.
I know, I know. But if he loved me, he would remember. What does love really have to do with memory? The two are not mutually exclusive of each other.
Digging deeper, let's ask ourselves what we would rather have: a man who bought us flowers and diamonds regularly as the romantic myths dispell or a man who had his priorities right and truly empowered us with his strength and character? A man who knew his significance was found in his faith and family, not in his job, hobbies or other interests?
Women-if you are losing sleep at night praying for a romantic husband, spend that time on more valuable pursuits.
Pray that your husband would make his family his priority. Then open your eyes to real signs of love and meaningful affection. Being at home each night. Wrestling with the kids on the living room rug. Providing emotional support for what ails you in life.
Men-if you're killing yourself trying to find your identity in your vocation, position in life or the accolades of men, consider spending your time in a more gratifying way.
Look at your family as the gift it is. It is not standing in your way to more success. It is your success.
The greatest gift you will ever give the world is a stable home. When it comes to your wife and children, the ultimate sign of your love is TIME.
Many have even discovered that a right perspective can often lead to greater moments of romance, and that, isn't a romantic myth.
© Jessica Leffew, 2003-2005.
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